Opinions, advice, and things better left unsaid

So am I the only one who’s been subjected to “helpful hints” and/or “constructive criticism” with regards to my parenting skills lately?  More and more these days I’m hearing “If I were you…”,  ”I’d never let my kids do that”, “do you always let them talk to you like that?”, and my favourite “you should_____________”.  Then there are the personal attacks: “behaviour like yours destroys children”, “they’re learning all their bad behaviours when you____________________”, ”I would never speak to my kids that way”, “she obviously can’t control her own kids”, and “why on earth would you let them __________________?”.   Here are my answers and/or rebuttals to the unsolicited questions/advice I’ve received:

1.  Kids are human beings with their own brains and personalities.  Despite my best efforts mine will use their own brains to make decisions and act on them.  I’ve done my best to advise and guide them but ultimately, even though they’re little, they’re the ones who have chosen to act a certain way.  They’re not robots.
2.  They’re trying to find their way in the world, even at (nearly) 5 and 2 1/2 years of age respectively, and are testing the boundaries.  Did nobody read those chapters in the parenting books you seem to get your do’s and don’ts from?
3.  I let my kids make mistakes so they can learn about consequences.  You may have just seen the mistake but haven’t seen the consequence.  Or maybe you saw the consequence without seeing the mistake.  Either way, I don’t always have to give anyone an explanation.
4.  I’m human too and make mistakes.  I didn’t memorize a parenting manual before I had my kids like some others seem to think THEY have.  Plus those parenting books are all theory; putting them into practice is much harder than you’d think if you’ve never had to do it yourself.
5.  You’ve either made mistakes with your kids or you haven’t had a chance to make any yet with yours.  Either way, judge not lest ye be judged.
6.  My kids are allowed to think or feel whatever they want, so leave them (and me) alone if they’re upset about something you think is no big deal.  Everyone has a right to their feelings, even little kids.  They’re still learning how to deal with theirs.  Hell half the time I don’t know what to do with my own feelings and I’m 34 years old!
7.  My priorities are probably different than yours, but no less valid.  You may have think having a spotless home and home-cooked meals on the table every night makes you the perfect parent but you have no time to spend with your kids.  I however think a mess is a mess sometimes, and if eating out of cans or calling for pizza a few nights a week allows my home to be a little less stressed and gives me more time with my family to me THAT is more important.

Deep down people, I think I’m a pretty good Mom.  I have faults just like everybody else, but I love my kids dearly and any mistakes I make with them I fix the best I can.  Criticism hurts, even if one tries to laugh it off.  And if someone doesn’t ask you for your opinion or advice, I suggest keeping it to yourself because you really don’t know how much damage, no matter how well-intended, your words of wisdom are really doing.

BTW this isn’t meant for any one person in particular as a few people have been doing it.  And I don’t think it’s a reflection of my parenting skills or style.  I’ve said for years that once you become pregnant you become public property and everybody’s whipping post.  It’s not just me that’s the problem.