Maya baby girl update

Wow this kid is changing every single day!  And she’s definitely independent and stubborn; a far cry from her laid-back, easy-going big brother.  We’re back to square 1 with the potty training, as she’s decided to pee & poo in her pull-ups again.  I’m thinking it goes back to me working extra hours and being extra tired and grumpy and this is her revenge.  So we’re back to doing naked time (well, I am as Chris is against it), reminding her to go potty etc etc.  We don’t trust her in underwear yet but hopefully in a month or two we’ll try panties out in public again like we were doing.  Maya’s also learning to count.  She makes it to 2 on her own (LOL yeah I guess nothing to brag about but it’s cute) and yesterday I swear she counted to 12!  Mind you I wasn’t listening to every single number but I did hear her say “eleblen, twelb”.  I took her to her first Preschool Playshop last Tuesday and she was a little stand-off-ish during the circle times; she didn’t know what the hell was going on.  The colouring activity was to colour the picture of the turkey brown, the picture of the pumpkin orange etc etc and she decided that screw it, she was gonna colour the whole damn page whatever colour she chose.  And the tablecloth as well.  She’s also voicing her opinion now, telling us “I yike dat” or “YUCK!  I NO YIKE DAT!”.  She’s not a fan of her big girl bed and chooses to sleep in Matthew’s instead, which is fine cuz Matthew loves getting new things and is more than happy to sleep in HER bed.  She’s head over heels for baby dolls and is very good at looking after them (feeding and changing) but if they cry too many times, she tells me “take her” and gives her babies to me to look after.  Ugh!  I’ve got my own 2 criers, what makes you think I want yours?  LOL.  Her favourite movie now is Finding Nemo (“Meemo”), she loves brushing her teeth and putting barrettes in her hair, her favourite colour seems to be pink, her favourite drink is “cockla miwk” (chocolate milk in case you can’t read Maya-ish, which is even harder to learn than English) and she likes to assist us both in disciplining her brother (“MADOO NO HIT ME!” or “MADOO SOP DAT!” or “MADOO NO TOUCH DAT!”).  She’s lost her high chair due to repeatedly ignoring our recommendations to stop using it as a step stool to get onto the kitchen counters or the breakfast bar, but now climbs up on the bar stools and gets onto things that way.  She’s definitely a case study in contradictions as she loves to do her hair and wear pretty, frilly dresses but she also burps and farts on cue, much to the delightful howls of her brother.

Boys and their toys

Matthew’s been a little whiney about going to school the past few days, so I let him bring a toy from home with him to school (don’t know how the teacher felt about it, but I didn’t get a note sent home about it).  Today he brought a Lego vehicle he built; supposedly a motorcycle but the thing had a propellor on front with no known purpose.  We get to the fenced area of the school where he and his classmates line up, and we saw that a few other little boys brought cars as well.  The other boys came up to us at the fence to show us their cars and trucks, and I suggested Matthew go show them what he brought.  So he went willingly into the little play area for the JK’s and SK’s, and he and the other boys took turns showing one another their toys.  They didn’t really share, but they all flew their toys in the air together going back and forth, back and forth.  I sat back and watched my shy little boy with the other kids, and felt a lump in my throat and my heart swell up; he’d taken his first real step away from me.  As the boys all played together he kept looking back at me and smiling.  He’d been accepted and he was happy.  And so was his mushy Mommy.

Do unto others…

A few months ago, a so-called “friend” handed me my ass on a not-so-silver platter via Facebook.  Among some of the vile things that were written to me was my treatment of my family, particularly Matthew.  I have to admit that I haven’t been the perfect parent that I planned on being all those years I yearned for kids and waited and waited and waited for the “right” time, but I also am angry as hell because in all honesty, I didn’t deserve what was thrown at me. 

I’m embarrassed to admit that not only have I yelled at my 4-yr-old Baby Shmear, but I’ve also sworn at him.  But I admit this so other mothers will know that they are not alone in their frustration or sadness or sorrow.

Motherhood is not the 24-hr joyfest I expected, and to say that it’s hard work is an understatement.  Not only are you at the beck and call of a little kid (or in my case, 2 of them who are too young to understand that they’re not the centres of the universe and they must wait for something they want or deal with not getting something at all) but you must maintain the rest of your life (house, marriage/relationship, friends, job/career) better than you ever did before because other women have done it or are doing it right now and if you are less than 110% you’re a failure as a whole.  It turns out that the second you become pregnant with your first child, you become public property and cease to be a human being.  All of a sudden you’re exposed to comments about the timing of your decision, whether you’re seen as fit to take this life journey, how well you’re handling the changes in your life and then deciding if you should be cut some slack or thrown to the wolves for any gaffes you’ve made.  You have no control over your own life anymore because it’s expected and assumed that every woman with children gives up her entire being for their child, and those who don’t are selfish bitches who are going to ruin their children for their own self-satisfaction and should be nailed to a metaphorical cross. 

Yes I’ve yelled at my kids and even sworn at them.  But you know what?  I cried every time I did and I’ve even apologized to them for it.  Believe it or not, my kids and I have sat down and had talks about how bad Mommy feels when she yelled at them and what we all need to do as a family to start getting along better.  And you know what?  It’s worked.  In my house we identify a problem, sit down and talk about it, come up with a solution and try it.  Sometimes the solution works and other times we have to have another talk and come up with something else.  I’m trying to teach my kids that people will make mistakes but we should all own up to them, try to fix them, and everyone deserves a second chance if they’ve done something wrong.   

I want to take this opportunity to inform those who don’t know this already, or those who need to be reminded, that the old adage is true that you should NEVER judge someone unless you walk a mile in their shoes.  And if you see something happening you think is wrong, why don’t you help that person or that family out by asking if they’re alright instead of embarking upon a smear campaign designed to crush them into a million pieces?

So to little-miss-judgmental let me point out to you that in the past 5 years I’ve gone through one bout of post-partum depression, one bout of post-partum psychosis, an unbelievably stormy and rocky marriage (we’re finally on track now, thanks), 1 difficult pregnancy and 1 high-risk pregnancy, a horrible and stressful work environment, 4 different medications with terrible side effects that impeded my day-to-day functioning, and the death of my mother and my only cheerleader while I was pregnant with her last grandchild and my last child.  Add to that a kid in the throws of “terrible two’s” and “tiresome three’s” and a clingy newborn and yeah, it’s been kinda rough.  YOU have ONE kid who was only 4 months old at the time of your attack on me and you think you know the whole story based on what my angry/frustrated husband told your husband who told you?  Be sure to get ALL the facts straight from all the parties before you attack someone like that.  You have no idea what’s in store for you down the road with your son and any future children you may have or how it’ll affect your marriage or your life in general.  But be sure that you WILL screw up large and when you do, be sure to think about what you said to me.  It’s clearly time for you to do your own soul-searching!